Two weeks ago, I promised to go down the rabbit hole about the why and what of the story you have entered mid-stream.
here talking to you know because I've recently slid past the 50-year mark and I've been having a
bit of an... er... mid-life... um... HMM. Let's just call it a re-evaluation.
I'd rather not feed the flames on the word “crisis”. There are plenty of true crises
burning furiously in the world, and my existential considerations definitely do not rate.
But since I AM the center of my own known Lisaverse, I may take liberties here
to wax poetic. And from the Lisaverse perspective, this last stretch has been a
rather rough go.
Here's the crux: "What is my legacy?"
Classic Strategy 1 - Children
Neither my brother nor I procreated so our family tree branch turns out to be a dead twig. Therefore, the ever popular "I live on through my DNA" is out.
Classic Strategy 2 - Change the World
It's extremely unlikely I'm going to mark history in a way that will be remembered. I mean, it takes A LOT to become noteworthy in the long-term historical record. The song "Dust in the Wind" comes to mind when I think about how miniscule, fleeting and fragile each of our human lives actually are from the perspective of say, the Milky Way. I've accepted that changing the world is also out.
With no children and no historical footnote, what IS the point of my existence?
Q: Does anyone care beyond me?
A: Probably not!
At this juncture, a cautionary aside to those who have not ventured through this dark night of the soul (yet). Truly slowing down and considering the very point of our existence is not for the faint of heart.
After too long emotionally mud-wrestling THAT little ditty through to its bitter conclusion, I have now dried my eyes, clambered back upright, and assessed my mud-stained garments (these clothes must be burned). I have accepted that the onus for legacy or meaning in the Lisaverse falls on me. I alone can (get to?) meaningfully define how to prioritize the expenditure of my life force for whatever time I have left. As well can You in Youraverse, dear reader (regardless of procreation strategy #1).
So, here's what I have so far:
Objective 1 - Internal
I might as well enjoy myself. Which also means not sleep-walking through my life. That In itself feels like a super-lofty goal!
Objective 2 - External
None of us exists in a vacuum; we each leave an impression on the world around us, no matter how miniscule or fleeting. As I pass through, I want my wake to be slightly "better" for my having been here. It's not changing the world, no, but I'll settle for lifting the harmonics of this world "up" in scale in any increment possible. Scientists can measure things that are mind-bogglingly small these days, so I’m taking it on faith that some measurable increment is within my reach.
These are certainly not revolutionary tenants for living a meaningful life, but what can I say? My first sentence was "Me do it" -- I often have to "get" to things in my own time and way.
In terms of actual application, I have full control over #1 and less control over #2. No matter what kind of mud life slings at me (and there WILL be mud), it is fully in my power to control how I respond to it. #2 is more complex because a) I can't define "better" for anyone else, and b) one person's “better” can also be another person's “worse”. So mostly it boils down to doing #1 to the best of my ability and hopefully doing it in a way that positively affects a majority of those I touch in a final tally. And hey, hopefully doing #1 out loud will attract like-minded souls who want to get muddy together!
So that's it.
So begins my attempt to live out loud while trying to enjoy wading through the mud of life. Your readership and possible participation here are a living part of my Lisaverse wake (objective #2). That means your very presence--right here, right now--matters to me.
Muddy or not, I'm so glad you are here. <3>
PS Unless I get distracted by something else (Squirrel! Any other Up fans out there?!), next I'll brief you on Lisaverse Objective #1. Namely changes that are afoot to actively bring more joy into my life at the end of 2020. Spoiler alert: there are magical forces at work remodeling our home, recalibrating what I do for money, fresh approach to my artwork, reformulating my relationship with social media, and more… No, I did not buy a red Porsche.